Social intelligence is the key to career and life success. Do you have it? What are the key elements of social intelligence?
1. Verbal Fluency and Conversational Skills. You can easily spot someone with lots of SI at a party or social gathering because he or she knows how to “work the room.” The highly socially intelligent person can carry on conversations with a wide variety of people, and is tactful and appropriate in what is said. Combined, these represent what are called “social expressiveness skills.”
2. Knowledge of Social Roles, Rules, and Scripts. Socially intelligent individuals learn how to play various social roles. They are also well versed in the informal rules, or “norms,” that govern social interaction. In other words, they “know how to play the game” of social interaction. As a result, they come off as socially sophisticated and wise.
3. Effective Listening Skills. Socially intelligent persons are great listeners. As a result, others come away from an interaction with an SI person feeling as if they had a good “connection” with him or her.
4. Understanding What Makes Other People Tick. Great people watchers, individuals high in social intelligence attune themselves to what others are saying, and how they are behaving, in order to try to “read” what the other person is thinking or feeling. Understanding emotions is part of Emotional Intelligence, and Social Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence are correlated – people who are especially skilled are high on both.
5. Role Playing and Social Self-Efficacy. The socially intelligent person knows how to play different social roles – allowing him or her to feel comfortable with all types of people. As a result, the SI individual feels socially self-confident and effective – what psychologists call “social self-efficacy.”
6. Impression Management Skills. Persons with SI are concerned with the impression they are making on others. They engage in what I call the “Dangerous Art of Impression Management,” which is a delicate balance between managing and controlling the image you portray to others and being reasonably “authentic” and letting others see the true self. This is perhaps the most complex element of social intelligence.
How can you develop social intelligence? It takes effort and hard work. Begin by paying more attention to the social world around you. Work on becoming a better speaker or conversationalist. Networking organizations, or speaking groups, such as Toastmasters, are good at helping develop basic communication skills. Work on becoming a more effective listener, through what is called “active listening” where you reflect back what you believe the speaker said in order to ensure clear understanding.
Most importantly, study social situations and your own behavior. Learn from your social successes and failures. I’ll give some more specific SI exercises in a future post. References and Further Reading Archer, D. (1980). How to expand your social intelligence quotient. New York: Evans. Riggio, R.E. (1986). Assessment of basic social skills. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 51, 649-660.
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you
If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land”
This song actually has a very personal meaning for me. To me it’s about a person who has only seen the bad side of love, whoose mother broke their fathers heart, but still the blame could not be fully placed on either parent and it was a tragic situation all round. The person does not believe in tue ‘love’ becuase of this and always tries to keep a ‘comfortable distance’ even if they do date people/ are pyschically inimate they never feel a true connection with somebody, until they meet a person who they grow to share that bond with- their ‘only exception’.
Before meeting their ‘only exception’ he/she felt lonley as although they had people on the surface hteir inner emotions were not touched/ left uncared for. Nobody sparked enough passion in them emotionally and ‘werent worth the risk’ of the persona giving their true heart to.
‘love never lasts’, ‘keep a straight face’ relates to the personal aspect of the song. A guy I once knew had many flings or ” F buddies” with girls who where a bit slutty and jsut up for that kind of thing. And he always pretended he wasnt bothered by it and the game of seduction and breaking the rules of his very strict Catholic father imposed. But in relaity he was looking for somone, but not jsut anyone, he wouldnt have wanted just anyone, because there was only one true person for him- his only exception. It was all becuase his mother had divorced his father at a young age and it was a very bitter divorce.
“relaity” to the persona is that niggling thought in the back of thier mind that love really ‘never lasts’, but evenso they still hope to prove temselves wrong and that they really ahve changed their thought patterns “on the way to believing’, thats why it seems alsmost dream like that their heart has doen a full 360. Now they have it, they dont want to loose it, and they want that person to keep proving to them that love truly exists, not to eventually let them down. like in the VIdeo they want to run but “cant let go” of that one person.
The fact that they are “on the way to believing” relates back to how damaged they are in the first place and the fac that they have come this far is a miracle in it’s self. And that person they love- the ‘only exception’ is a livivng miracle.
I WAS ONCE A FOOL
TO IGNORE YOU AT TIMES,
FOR NOT APPRECIATING YOUR WHOLE
WITHOUT ANY CLUE OR ANY SIGN–
YOU FELT I DIDN’T LOVE YOU AT ALL.
IT TAKES TIME TO REALIZE
IT TAKES DISTANCE TO CONCEIVE
THAT BEHIND ALL THE LIES
IN YOU AND ME, I STILL BELIEVE–
BUT TOO LATE TO BREAK THIS WALL.
I NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU
EVEN IF YOU ALREADY HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART,
I NEVER STOP LOVING YOU UNTIL THE TIME YOU FORGET MY PART.–
AND THE MOMENT THAT MY TEARS HAD FALL.
I WISH YOU HAPPINESS
SO I DECIDED TO SET YOU FREE,
FOR YOU TWO TO HAVE THE BEST
EVEN IT BRINGS PAIN IN ME.–
I JUST HOPE SOMETIMES IN YOUR MIND I’D BE RECALL.
AT THE TIME WE’LL BE SEEING EACH OTHER AGAIN
LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND FOR THE LAST TIME,
WILL MAKE YOU KNOW AND UNDERSTAND
YOU STAY HERE ❤ FOR A LIFETIME.–
IN MY HEART WHERE YOU ALWAYS STALL.
BY TODAY I’LL START TO MEND THIS CRUSHED HEART OF MINE
ACCEPT THE COLD HARSH TRUTH THAT WERE NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER,
WILL WAIT FOR THE RIGHT TIME
WAIT UNTIL MY HEART FIND THE ANSWER.–
WHEN IM READY TO BE ATTACH AGAIN AND FALL.
I’D ALWAYS BE A FRIEND, THAT’S A PROMISE
ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU THOUGH YOU DONT NEED IT,
CAUSE WITHOUT YOU MY WORLD WOULD CEASED
I BEGGED YOU,REMEMBER ME EVEN A BIT.–
YOU’D STILL BE THE HALF OF MY SOUL.
: ILOVEYOU, I ALWAYS DO…
Oh beautiful one how are y
Read my poem and tell me if it’s true
At the end of the long tunnel your my light
When it’s cold your my blanket for the night
Your my hot water bottle when am not well
Your my secret diary to whom my secrets I would tell
Your my medicine to take away all the pain
Your the only one whom I would dance with in the rain
Your my map to help me find the way
Your my energy to get me through the day
Your my drug to get me high
Your the one to whom I can’t lie
Your my only true addiction
Lead by your seduction
She stupefies me when she walks into a room
Taking out all of the darkness and gloom
Others might have estranged each other
But we both know we love one another
She’s conquered my heart
And now we can’t be apart
Your in the sky like a shining star
Don’t deny it love you know you are
Before I met you I always used to ponder
Why absence makes the heart grow fonder
But since you went away
Though it was for a day
My heart bled and drained the love out of me
Until you returned to me and then set me free
I sat out in the pouring rain
Until I saw your face again
I realised why absence makes the heart grow fonder
The very second you returned to me in your Honda
It don’t matter about the distance
I will be by your side in an instance
I hope we never lose touch
For I love you so much